I had two strange dreams last night. You’ll have to forgive grammar mistakes as I’m on my iPad. So first it was a dream that couldn’t figure out how to ride the train to portland to visit my friends up here. It was terrible! I went on the first one but somehow didn’t make it to Portland and ended up back home. It was so frustrating.
Then i had a dream that i was living in a community that was part of a huge community. They made things but i can’t remember what, while they lived next to a part of their culture that farmed. They were a “leaver” culture ( read Ishmael if you haven’t yet, then you’ll understand better) meaning that they. Relied on the earth for what they had, but the communities around them had been taken over by a “taker” way of life ( refusing to live off the land and in the will of God, ie farming to excess, killing off all predators etc) the way we do in modern society and their society was destroyed. I warned them that this was the way of life that i came from ( this is starting to sound eerily like avatar… Haha) and that they don’t want that kife as it is not a good way to live. They listened to me! They built wqlls and had small doors for trading, and the outside world tried to get in ( I accidentally let it in, story of my life but more on that in a later post) but it stayed out. Then we got a helicopter ( because if your living off the land you need one of those) and me and my main party member from dragon age origins flew around till he crashed, but i knew it was a dream so I figured i would probably survive. I did, then I woke up.
Interesting dreams. I’ll bet you can tell what has been consuming my mind as of late.
I have no patience for people who claim to be one thing but are another to the point where it is amazing to you that they can look at you and claim to like you.
To the small group and youth group that I joined trying to find a friend in a time when I knew no one and was trying to know the Uncreated One: thank you for reminding me that while a church can meet, the Uncreated One can be absent. Thank most of you for pretending you didn’t know me when we were at school. Thank you for ignoring me when I said hi. It taught me strength and how to be rejected, as I hadn’t learned that by other means yet.
Thank you to the church that ignored my family when we came back from South Africa, after months and months of “support” while we were there. Thank you for spreading rumors about our family in the town that we grew up in. Sure, some of the rumors were true, but you shut the door on us and showed us that there are better places to live besides the middle of California, that there are better things out there. Without it I probably would have never gotten out of the valley.
Thank you to everyone who were nice to my face and talked shit about me behind my back. Thank you for teaching me to be wary and careful with my trust. It’s a necessary skill that I have learned and has served me well. And to my former best friend, thank you for teaching me how to stop being stepped on and stand up for myself, even at the expense of a friendship that had lasted years.
Thank you. You all taught me how to be strong and independent and self reliant.
To my friends who didn’t care that I was obsessed with fish, that I was fat, had long hair, was super awkward, and loved teasing you: Thank you. Thank you for showing me that people do exist who will love me for who I am. Thank you for showing me the true value of friendships. Thank you for being there when I need to cry about something stupid or need someone to harass about evolution, the ocean, the Uncreated One, etc. You have taught me when and where to trust people, what truth is, where we should be in our lives.
To my Parents: Thank you for making me who I am, supporting me in everything that I do, paying for outrageous trips to other states to work with predatory birds. You taught me that my thoughts and ideas are powerful. That I am strong, a valued human being and that I could change the world.
Thank you all.
You have created Aaron Snyder as orchestrated by forces beyond our control.
“What I am to you, is not real.
What I am to you, you do not need.
What I am to you is not what you mean to me.
You give me miles and miles of mountains and I ask for the sea.”—Damien Rice - Volcanoes.
Tumblr, this week has been a week of crazy ups and downs.
From sitting on the MAX alone and wondering why I was even here, feeling lonely and lost, to finding temporary direction and laughing so hard with co-workers and getting to hold tiny predatory birds, it’s just fantastic.