April 2009
I feel like I need to put something of substance into this blog.
I feel a lot.
I am really excited for what the future holds.
I’m tired.
I’m pretty sure somone is setting up a massage table outside one of the exits of the library. Weird, no?
OFAPTS was a sucsess. I’m now in a much more comfy chair with a killer view of the ocean and penninusula and a really good people watching spot on the third floor.
I’m glad that I moved.
I don’t know what I’m going to do for the next two hours.
Work on homework I guess. : | - thats me.
Okay, I don’t want to be a snob or anything, but today, I’m chilling in the library and hanging out and because it’s finals week there is a ton of people in here. No problem right?
Wrong. I found a nice little nook to chill in for the next FOUR hours woking on homeowork (also known as falling asleep while my hand is holding up my head and then falling off of it and waking up mid...
I’m texting to tell you those last two notes while true were why i don’t like to write notes late at night.
“Help,
I have done it again.
I
Have
been here,
many times before.
Hurt,...”
– Sia- Breathe Me
And the worst part is, there’s no one else to blame.
Maybe one phone call could have made all the difference.
Maybe one stupid phone call.
Maybe if I wasn’t so needy.
Maybe if everything wasn’t different.
Maybe everything was right.
Maybe everything is right.
And I wait to two weeks before I leave to say anything of value.
God Damn it.
God Damn it all to hell.
And here I thought I was over it.
You ever get that feeling like, Fuck.
I really royally screwed that up?
Like, seriously was an irrational emotional dumbass?
Yeah.
I just got that feeling.
Sometimes I’m really stupid.
I’m sorry.
I’ll probably regret this for a while.
Today.
Well, I don’t really know what to think about today.
Today has been uneventful.
Nothing major to complain about. I have a lot of homework to do, but I’m going to get it done.
And for the first time, the end is in sight.
It’s a huge relief.
You have no idea.
Or maybe you do.
Sigh. People make me happy sometimes. More often than not, actually. It’s really good...
Oh no. Its the sid and nancy opening menu.
If were watching this again I will quite litterally sigh really loud so the whole class hears me and walk out.
“I just don’t know how to say no, that’s why I don’t date.”
– Me. (via sheknowsdrama)
Thats a good reason.
Also, the songs by the yeah yeah yeahs, but I’m not sure what song it is, but google the lyrics you can hear and you’ll find it.
Focus Aaron.
Focus. You need to do this thing that takes normal people 20 minuites and you have an hour to do it and have been working on it for 2 days. No excuses! GO!
Darn you internet. So necesary but so distracting.
I feel like I have something epic to say.
And yet.
There is nothing coming out.
AIDS sucks.
But I don’t know what to do about it.
I guess that is what this class is supposed to do.
(via rollwithit)
This is a great song.
You...
“If I’m hiding in the sleeves Of my coat When my father runs undressed He’s pointing at my throat And my brother has a fit In the snow And the traffic stops for miles We take him by the elbow Oh my God The shuffling at the floor A mind that knows itself Is a mind that knows much more So we run back Scrambling for cover A mind that knows itself Has a mind to kill the other (Oh my...
sheknowsdrama:
I am excited about June 23. I just figured out the information about Slim’s. EEEE. And I have some people that want to come with me. It will be helllllla fun. eek.
: (
I WANT TO GO!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!
okay I’m done.
It will be amazing.
Well.
sheknowsdrama:
I’m giving up. I’m just done. You know? This is not what guarding my heart looks like…no matter what excuses I make up in my mind. Not that giving up is a bad thing…I think it’s a good thing really. It’s just scary and confusing. I’m trying to find a new store to transfer to…to get away from him…because what I’m doing right now is not guarding my heart and I can’t keep my heart...
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything...”
– C.S. Lewis
I feel loved.
:DDDDDD
“I’m not afraid of you now, I know,
So I climb down from the bunkbeds this...”
– Sufjan Stevens — Pittsfield.
It’s beautiful.
It’s really funny and interesting at the same time to read back on my journal for the past few years, especially the one on Facebook.
Life flows in cycles.
Cycles that are predictable.
And they comfort me because I know that I have survived this before a mere 7 months ago.
You gave me what I was begging for.
And now I see why you didn’t just hand it to me in the first place.
I’m sorry.
But I started this. And I have to deal with it.
Watchsheknowsdrama:
hahaha. this is just WRONG. but watch it. bahaha. the perfect youth leader?….or not…
That was hillarious.
It’s not that I’m not happy now.
I just can’t help but be self-destructive.
I wish that I could say that I lived life without regrets.
Perhaps living with regrets is part of life though.
Who knows.
I wish there wasn’t such a huge learning curve.
I wish that I was born knowing how to do this.
I wish I hadn’t missed out on the time when I was supposed to be...
Aaron is Confused.
On many levels, but the confusion seems especailly prevelant today.
Confusion is lame.
I like coffee though.
A contest perhaps?
Who knows.
Today is a Sufjan Stevens day
The people around me probably think I’m a creeper. I’m not I’m just tired and keep wanting to look at the ocean!
“I’m not afraid of you now, I know So I climbed down from the bunk beds this low I can talk back to you now, I know From a few things I learned from this TV show You can work late till midnight, we don’t care We can fix our own meals, we can wash our...
Never mind, I know why I’m tired.
I took a Zyrtec last night so my alergies would be okay.
That’s why I’m tired.
Less drowzee my ass.
I think that I am getting way too comfortable at the library at CSUMB. You know when you wakl into a place and it feels like home, despite the fact that it isn’t, may be a sign that you spend too much time there.
I think it’s because the couches are way comfortable, and yeah. I’m just really tired too, and I have 2 hour untill my next class starts. I want to nap out here on the...
mewithoutyou is playing at slims in SF on June 23 and I expect everyone who reads this blog and can tolerate thier music to go see them and beg them to call me while I’m at camp getting my butt kicked.
New album. soon. : )
sheknowsdrama:
I’m such a girl. I totally went and assumed that one thing he did was because he hated me or something….or…? I don’t know. I was being dumb. He’s still pretty cool. oh. ugh. I suck at guarding my heart. I think I needed him to not sit with me tonight…I needed to not be overwhelmed by the sound of his voice. But it still hurt. ugh. I suck at guarding my heart. Oh man……… :(
I...
“I close my eyes and I smile Knowing that everything is alright To the core So close that door Is this happening? My breath is on your hair I’m unaware That you opened the blinds and let the city in God, you held my hand And we stand Just taking in everything. And I knew it from the start So my arms are open wide Your head is on my stomach And we’re trying so hard not to fall...
People never fail to disappoint me. It’s all good. I’ll survive. Quite honestly? Marriage is such a joke to me anyway, I can’t see who would even care.
I can’t help but worry about our society when the fact that two people want to get married in the eyes of the state (and simply get equal rights to their diffrently sexualy oriented counterparts) gets more attention then the fact that sex...
Today
*side note —I think it’s ironic that Tiffany and I do these random my-name-is-Aaron, and-here’s-what-I’m-full-of-fail-for things because because for me, this is basically serving the same purpose as AA does for an alcoholic.
Today, even though it is only noon, has been a very interesting day. I officially have 2 hours off, with not even any homework to do. It’s...
I really want a smoke.
No. I know.
I don’t smoke.
Today may be the day though.
Hi my name’s Aaron and I’m really good at destroying all my friendships.
“Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in...”
– Lover, you should have come over— Jeff Buckley
I don’t know what to think anymore.
I guess I’ll just have to wait.
And see.
I wish I had more patience.
Some days, I don’t think it’s worth it.
Some days, I wonder if it has just been me.
Bottom line.
I miss you.
Today is going to be a good day.
I am missing Africa, but not the summer I was there. I’m missing where I used to live and the people I used to know and the house we used to have.
Maybe I can go back someday.
“When desperate static beats the silence… A quiet truth to calm you down…
But it’s too late.”
Sorry.
Life.
“Judy Could anyone be loved anymore than I love you does it hurt you too? But Judy I’ve been feeling small too long I love you so but something’s wrong and I come running when you want me here and when you want me to, I disappear Give Judy my notice I knew if I made it easy for you you’d settle for me, yeah eventually but Judy I won’t be your bitch anymore and follow...
sheknowsdrama:
how does it feel to have your own fan club on facebook? that’s funny.
I had no idea until like 2 minuites before I left this morning.
It makes me laugh.
I haven’t been this exhusted for a really long time.
I’m sunburnt and a bit dehydrated and just overall exhausted.
I’m excited for tomorrow and Sunday.
For different reasons of course.
I probably should get on writing that essay or something, but I just really don’t feel like it.
I love the new mewithoutyou song that they posted.
http://www.myspace.com/mewithoutyou
...
sheknowsdrama:
today means 200 days of no cutting.
hell yeah.
WHOOOOOOOT
Nevermind. : )
exactly.
I’m going to assume that this is true. I’m not going get hurt trying to find out.
Another one bites the dust.
