It's Simple.

I feel like the scales just tipped in a direction. And I’m aprehensive about it.

Really aprehensive about it.

“Don’t worry,

about a thing,

cause every little things gonna be alright,

singing don’t worry, about a thing,

cause every little thing is gonna be alright.”

I sure hope Bob Marley knows what hes talkin about.

I just realized that I sent an email to my professor rather than the person with the same name thats actually in my group. I hate making a fool of myself in front of my professors. Whatever, there’s nothing that I can do about it.

I really enjoy people watching down town.

I need to sleep.

There’s something that’s really been bothering me about a few of the classes that I have been taking. Its this idea that volunteering is a horrid thing to do, unless you have the right attitude, and you can do a lot of damage while intending to do good.

While I fully agree with this, it still bothers me. Has all the work that i have done, all the plane trips and hours walking from house to house, talking with people, conversing with people, trying to see their lives, has this damaged these people? Have I left a reinforcement of the “American middle class is the way to live” Ideals in their head.

I shutter at the thought. I don’t know how I feel about this, and its perhaps why this is bothering me so much. I’m sitting here in the library, reading a book about this guy named Valentino who escaped from Sudan when the civil war started. The war started over things that have been brought in by travelers. I wonder if it is even possible to not impact the community your in? Should you even go? Does what I want to do with my life impact others?

My thinking behind what i am going to do kind of deviates from the norm. I realize that every culture, despite how different and interesting they are, has thier own different customs. I want to some day leave my country, my customs, my beliefs behind and go.

I don’t want to take my commercialism with me. Is that possible? I don’t really know. I want to leave behind every semblance of my lower middle class upbringing and understand that every culture is different, and at times you have to embrace what they have, and that they are HAPPY in what they are doing.

This is why i hate the term “Missionary.” It conjours up ideas of David Livingston, Christopher Columbus and nearly all the Spanish who successfully wiped out most of the population of Latin America.

So Who is Right? What is right? I don’t know.

Sometimes I wish that life would just be one giant ball of easy to figure out. But i know that will never happen.

Sitting in the library, looking out over the ocean and the rest of the bay is really just… peaceful. I’m happy to spend my next 2 hours in here, as there is no better view that I could drive to with my car.

Forgivness comes,

and all of the rest

it just passes away…

You already forgave me….

Death and Decay can’t touch us now.

Today’s and Yesterdays Thought:

-Going to class for nearly 12 hours isn’t so bad, but don’t expect to be able to do anything that night.

- Expecting new and exciting thing from anywhere. Or don’t, because that makes them even more exciting.

-When given the opportunity to run, take it, no matter what your gut is telling you.

Everything seems like a twisted game of who can step on eachother’s toes least. And Please don’t say something that will offend me, and even if it doesn’t, don’t say it too quickly, even if were both thinking it.

This is what I have decided. And I’m sticking with it.

When he’s not behaving like a 4 year old, my dad is alright.

Todays Thought(s):

-Lying, in general is bad, and I’m not very good at it.

-School needs to happen more than 2 days a week.

-Living without regrets doesn’t mean that your going to live without regrets.

“Everything we had is going away…

I’m Holdin on to you, holdin on to me,

baby, its all we got,

but its all I need.”

Todays thought:

Tidepooling. It gets me in all sorts of trouble. But not necesarily the bad kind.

Todays Thought:

Just because you don’t like your work isn’t a good excuse to go home, sit on your butt and do nothing.

In other news:

Happiness is attained through practicing what you preach. I’m still working on that one.